How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
