R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
