i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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