Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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