Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
