her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
