I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
