and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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