I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
