at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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