I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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