my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
