is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
