Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Damn victory sex feels great
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
