yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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