Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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