Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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