i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
