i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
