Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
