I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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