I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
