Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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