i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
