just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We need to get me chipped asap
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
