Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
