Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
