I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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