I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
