I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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