Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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