i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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