I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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