Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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