The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
