I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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