counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
