Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
