Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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