oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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