She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
