don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
