I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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