whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His nipple licking is glorious
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