I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
