my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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