wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Someone signed my nipple.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
