if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
