he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
