it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
