Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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