Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
