Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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