Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
